9:27 p.m. - 2007-10-17
Snarks 'R' Us
This summer I got an e-mail from an acquaintance I'd made via HedBrown. We shall call this woman "Miss Moody." Miss Moody's e-mail was a request asking to be taken off a list that HedBrown runs. I called HedBrown—how could I resist a gossip over an electronic gauntlet like a mass e-mail? Besides, HedBrown had been complaining about Miss Moody for ages—I knew there had to be dirt. I was not disappointed.
Apparently, one night after a party at HedBrown's, Miss Moody stayed to complain and moan about her life to the hostess. HedBrown tried to council her—as usual. Some people just don't want to act on good advice. Miss Moody is one of those people. After all, if she acted on good advice, what could she complain about? At 4:00 AM, HedBrown quoted a comment from her husband, Mr. Brown, "Miss Moody is your new Miss Dallas." (Miss Dallas being another mutual friend with multiple children.) This comment is what spurred Miss Moody into full-on sixth grade girl mode.
"Sixth grade girl mode" means letting everyone know that you are mad at 'her" (because we care, of course). It means telling her boyfriend (or husband, as the case is) that she's mean "and you don't even know me, so don't say such mean things about me." It means not speaking to your ex-friend when your ex-friend says hello to you--twice. Which is fine, I suppose, if you're a sixth grade girl. But when you have four children--two of whom are in college--that's a bit... petty and juvenille. (And you wonder why I call her Miss Moody?)
Once upon a time, Miss Moody was bemoaning the fact that her family doesn't celebrate half-birthdays like HedBrown's family does. In HedBrown's family, you get half a cake and some of your favorite foods for dinner. I believe there are also cards and songs. Half birthdays at the Brown house are cool.
Tomorrow is Miss Moody's birthday. The group that Miss Moody no longer wants to be a part of meets tonight. HedBrown is thinking of passing around a card for everyone to sign to send to Miss Moody for her half birthday. This is not an act of kindness. This is pure snarkiness. You see, the group is going out for drinks & fun tonight, and Miss Moody isn't invited.
THIS is why you need to grow up and get out of sixth grade—when someone says hello to you, acknowledge that person with a polite reply. Don't sit there and ignore them pointedly—twice. Otherwise, you'll find out how retro a girl can go…. We might have matured past a middle school level, but that doesn't mean we've forgotten how to play the game.
