7:55 a.m. - 2007-08-23
\"What the?!?\"--A FirstBorn Tale
School has resumed for FirstBorn. Consequently, we have resumed using the full-fledged bed routine: pick up bedroom, pick out clothes for tomorrow, take a shower, et cetera. It helps make mornings less stressful for all involved.
Last night, I sent FB off to take his shower. Being a happily married woman, I know how quickly one can get undressed. So when thrice that amount of time had passed, I poked my head into his bathroom to see why the water hadn't started running.
I behold FB standing on the top step of the step stool, nude, staring at himself in the mirror above the bathroom sink. Perplexed, I ask, "What are you doing? Why aren't you in the shower?"
Stepping down from the stool, he declares disgustedly, "My penis is floppy. I hate that."
And my brain went into overdrive. "What the... Where did he learn about erections?! Crap! I thought I closed *that* web page!! I *know* I closed it. Has he seen NMH & me?! AAcckk. How does he know about erections?? Dear God, tell me he hasn't had one yet!! AAACCCKKK!!! OK, chill. Don't ask, don't worry, it will all be fine, just breathe normally it will all be fine...."
Breathing normally and in my best 'cut the crap' tone I said, "FB, you are eight. It's supposed to be floppy. Now get in the shower."
And walked away... to the living room to tell his father quietly. NMH heard *my* reply, but not what prompted it. So I told him, with as little panic as possible. NMH's reaction to what our son said (said to me, not our son): "Sorry, FB, we're not getting you Vi@gra." I love that man. I do believe I shall keep him.
As for my FirstBorn... he's eight. I'm sure in a few years he'll learn to close and lock the door before staring at his penis. He might also learn to start the shower first because that will cover the sound of gasping and moaning....
Yes, that's my boy... God help me.
